Monday, February 9, 2009

Feast of Love

This was originally posted by Yours-Truly at the community forum for PolyAmoury Weekly hosted by Minx. As the thought evolved, it was sent directly to Minx for her thoughts on the idea. How awesome and humbling it is to have this become a main topic for the show.

Here's a copy of the original for your perusal and posterity:

So, every year Poly folks throughout the land wrestle with who and how to celebrate St Valentine's Day. Which of our lovers do we spend the day with, which do we send flowers, how do we figure a grand celebration for everyone involved?
And good luck finding Valentines Cards "From Us" "To My Metamours" or "To my wonderful Spouses (Spice?)"

Last year, I found an out.

Valentines Day centers around the Feast Day of a Martyred Saint in Italy from the Third Century. He became the Patron Saint of Engaged Couples, Happy Marriages, etc. The American tradition of merchandising any and all holidays led to where we are now - cards, chocolates, flowers, and celebrating romance to our immortal beloved.

This causes us problems, as poly-folk tend to not have just one.

I was doing some research on something unrelated when I came across another Martyred Saint, who's feast day happens to be the 15th of February - St Agape.
According to Catholic Encyclopedia, she was - "Martyr and follower of St. Valentine. She belonged to a group of virgins started by St. Valentine. A church in Termi was dedicated to her until the twelfth century, and she is listed in early martyrologies."

Agape, as a word, is defined as - "unselfishly loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". It is also defined, by Merriam Websters as "a love feast" - a gathering held to promote reconciliation and good feeling or show someone affectionate honor.

The image of a "love feast" sounds spot on for us.

-end copy-

Minx loved this idea so much that she made it the central topic for this weeks show (PolyWeekly Ep 191).

Here around Che Galahad we'll be having a little love feast come Sunday.

Loving St Agape's Day to you and your lovers.

Friday, January 9, 2009

So much better when the stipper is crying

There are just some things that can't wait until Monday for an answer. So here's one more question answered by your gallant cavalier in a pimp suit.

i need help!

my aunt is a stripper and recently i vented to her how my college life is
sucking my bank account dry. well she went behind my back and showed her boss pics of me at the beach in a bikini and now he won't quit bugging me to come work for him.
i repeatedly told him no that i do not want to strip cuz i have way more respect for myself and that i would never stoop that low and make a disgrace of myself, however this guy won't stop calling me and harrassing me. he even tried bribing me by saying that if i come work for him at the strip club that he would take care of all my college expenses and make sure i have extra money on the side. this guy won't take no for an answer! how do i get him to get it through his head that i do not wanna strip?? i just want him to leave me alone for good. please help!!!!
Feisty Redhead

Galahad answers: Ouch. Way to denigrate your aunt and all the other sex-positive people in the world who don't think that being an exotic dancer or other part of the sex industry makes a person less-than. Next time a stripper gets raped, assaulted or murdered, remember: she's not really a person, so its not a crime.

Stop answering the phone if you don't want to work for him. Pretty damned simple.

Questions to your EmCee

Seems after the "Hijacked Advice" the other day, people have decided to send along some of their own questions. Lets have a go, shall we?

Dear Galahad,
I'm 36. Me and my Bf (i refuse to say the word ex) have been together for 14
months. In the beginning, I made some mistakes. Galahad, please tell me, how is it possible to just not show any emotions. This man once told me we were soul mates. He bought me a commitment ring over the summer, and told me after the break up that he did think about marrying me. How is it possible now, that he won't see me in person. He broke up with me in an email. How do I get him to show emotion over this? How do I get him to look me in the face and truly hear what I have to say? I am destroyed over this and I really need so help.

Princess Not-so-Happily Ever After

Galahad answers: Things happen and people change. We are all growing. In relationships, we either grow together or we grow apart. If we stop growing, then we might as well be dead. No one is going to know what changed for this guy to make him go from considering marriage to breaking up except him.

Men tend to handle guilt more severely. Good odds he can't be in your space because he feels so bad about the change in situation.

How to get him to look you in the face, show emotion, and be completely present and attentive as you unleash your anger and frustration?
Easy - Kidnap him, strap him to a chair in the basement, duct tape his mouth shut and let loose the rage. To ensure that he shows emotion while you do this, you could drug him, but putting lit cigarettes out on sensitive flesh is easier to measure dosages.

If you think that is a good idea, get an appointment with a therapist. This has obviously affected you, and you are not appearing to handle it very well. Lots of people want to vent their spleen when they get dumped. Hurt people hurt people. Do you really want to hurt him? Do you really want to force open all the things that are held privately by him just to placate your own interests? Is that fair? Is that right?
If you really want help getting un-destroyed, go talk to a counselor or therapist.

Happily ever after... what a boring way to end a story. That means there'll never be another adventure. So sad.

Okay, so I recently told my boyfriend that I want to have a threesome with another girl. Like, I've wanted to for a reallyy long time! But he said he didn't want to because I'm the only girl he wants and he doesn't want to share me and stuff. But I REALLY want to have one! Should I just respect his views or keep trying to get him to have one with me?

G: Thanks for the pic, you look quite young. And because I can't tell how old you are, that picture has been deleted.
If this is the only guy you are ever with, I feel sorry for you. Life's ahead. Eventually you'll get a shot at what you want. If he won't give it to you, there are probably plenty who will. College is great for that kind of thing.

Hi Galahad,
My boyfriend and I just started having sex, but the sex isn't really
interesting, just missionary and occasionally girl on top. I'm too shy to ask him if he wants to mix things up, but sex is getting really boring and I need to figure something out.
What do I do??
p.s. One time I got the courage to ask if he liked doggie-style and he said he thought it was rediculous...that embarrassed
Penny P

G: Bail. You're not married to this guy, so you don't have to suffer bad sex. Honestly, if he's freaked out by the third most common position (and often most pleasurable for women) then he's going to need to work out his hangups before he can be a meaningful sex partner to anyone. This schmeckle is obviously not interested in your sexual fulfillment, so stop wasting your time.

Are bi sexual girls real?

G: Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Send you questions, comments or feedback to and I'll see what I can do.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Hijacked Advice

The first in a regular series where we'll field questions sent to other sex and relationship columnists and give you a real answer. These questions were originally answered by Karen Karbo, and wow is she overpaid.

Recently when my husband asked for my help on a project with his e-mail, I found graphic pictures he'd sent of himself to another woman. We're seeing a counselor, and I just want to be back in the healthy relationship I know we can have. Since it wasn't a physical affair and even he doesn't understand why he did this, I'm willing to forgive him.

I strongly believe that we can work through this, and he feels a tremendous amount of remorse and swears nothing like this will ever happen again. But now I face the challenge of moving on and trusting that it won't. Can you give any advice on how to deal with our situation?
L.H., 31, Salt Lake City

Galahad Says: I don't doubt that you can work through this, if you believe, it will happen. Though I have to wonder -- you went to a counseling after one incident of finding graphic pictures he sent to another woman. You say this isn't a physical relationship, so is she really a threat to your marriage? I have a hard time believing that this would be the only problem you face for it to warrant counseling. Have you considered this may have been symptomatic of some of those other issues that drove you to counseling?
I think your first step in getting to a healthy relationship would be addressing why this one act is so threatening. In the grand scheme, are a couple 'naughty' photographs all that damaging? Try asking your husband what he got out of the correspondence. If your commitment to each other is so total, then you should be the one exchanging racy photographs with him. In a totally monogamous marriage, your husband's sexual needs are entirely your responsibility. Just as yours are his. That's what you signed on for. If you aren't willing to step up and do what needs to be done, maybe letting him have a little friendly flirting on the side will help keep him and your marriage healthy.

I've been married for 27 years. I love my husband very much, but I can't seem to get past something that happened. The other night while we were in the middle of making love, he called me by another name. Needless to say, that ended the lovemaking for the night. He has apologized over and over for doing it. He seems to be sincere, but I still can't get it out of my head. I don't think he's having an affair, but one never knows. Am I being too sensitive? What can I do to get over this? --J.S., 48, Detroit

Galahad Says: In 27 years you've never fantasized about someone other than your husband? Puh-leeze. Unless he called you "Mom" or "Gramma Hazel" or your daughter's name, or maybe "Bob" you're overreacting. Try pretending you're not a vapid teenager and grow up. If he did call you "Bob" that'd not be the least of your worries. Try exploring the reason for his bi-curious fantasy, could be fun for everyone.

My husband drives a school bus. A female student who's a junior in high school sent text messages to him on Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day, and called him on his cell phone to wish him a Merry Christmas. What should I do? Is this appropriate? —M.S., 40, Cincinnati

Galahad Says: I remember sending Christmas cards to my teachers, giving a bag of sugar cookies to the bus driver on the holidays, chatting to the mailman who was the father of one of my classmates. The electronic age may change things some, but being neighborly isn't cause for alarm. You should do nothing. Your husband might want to tell the girl to stop calling and texting, or at least he shouldn't answer her calls. Obviously this upsets you greatly that your husband is getting these calls, and it would be a respectful act to ignore the attention. We're talking about a teenaged girl. If this is really all your worst nightmares are telling you, then she'll soon lose interest and crush on someone else.

I've been married for 14 years to a good man. Recently our son joined a sports team and we've become friends with some of the parents — we go to dinner, play cards, etc. The problem is, one of the husbands never attends because socializing is not his thing. When we all get together, my husband always sits with this man's wife and even tickles her, walks her to her car, and asks her to call to let him know she made it home safe. I've confronted my husband about this, and he says I'm just starting trouble. Is he trying to make me jealous? What's going on here? Please help! —M.H., 34, Cincinnati

Galahad Says: My old boss used to remind me to never expect malice when ignorance is more likely. That being said, he's probably not trying to hurt you, he's probably trying to help this lady feel more comfortable, wanted, and connected within the circle of friends. If it was not him, its likely that someone else (or maybe even you) might be flirty friendly towards another person in this lady's position. If its really bothering you, talk to your husband about it. Explain why it bothers you, and see if you can get him to agree to tone it down in your presence. It may be that your husband is just the flirty type. Some men are, most women are. Nature of human beings. Innocent flirting is a lost art. It makes people feel good even if, or even especially if, it leads no where.
Maybe you might want to try flirting with him when you're in public. Then again, you have liberty to go beyond 'friendly' with flirting with your husband.

Divorce rates are at 50+% in the United States. With the answers these questions initially garnered, I am not surprised.